If I cannot in honest happiness take the second place (or the twentieth);
if I cannot take the first without making a fuss about my unworthiness,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.
Extracted from if by Amy Carmichael.
These words speak so loudly...
if I cannot take the first without making a fuss about my unworthiness,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.
Extracted from if by Amy Carmichael.
These words speak so loudly...
an angel dropped byy `]]
10:07 AM
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Low point.
My walk with Him is bad. Thats because I have been disobedient. I feel far from Him because I don't konw how to face Him. I know He is still very close to me, close than no one can be and He still loves me dearly but I grieved Him again and AGAIN that the relationship is strained.
Low point.
I am overloaded with 5 courses this term and this is terrible! Only one term in 3 years had I done 5 courses, thus I am learning to cope with this crazy timetable this semester. It seriously doesnt help that I am serving in SMU Netball club now, and I am still continuing my coaching job, my church commitment... (Worse, my results have been consistently average or poor over the terms). Haiz.. I know that to many this is peanut, but I am not capable like them, I cannot excel in all. I do not know how I will get through this but I know I will somehow. My only hope is that He will be with me, He will carry me through. Haiz but I have been upsetted Him!!
Low point.
Just did a very poor presentation. I know I could have done better but I am not well-prepared. I better stop procrastinating and start to work one mode faster. Learn how to prioritize..
Low point.
Have you heard of this law called the law of undulation(I hope I got it right!) . C.S lewis wrote this written in Screwtape letters. It states that life is full of low points and high points, the low will lead to the high. okie this sounds obvious right, but I guess its reminder as such that I can look forward to without dwelling in this "pitifull" state of mine. AND one absolute brilliant point about this law is that it states that it is at the low that God draws us closer to Him and its there we learn more. I guess I can only fulfill this prohency if I am obedient.
Longing for Him in my low.
My SMU Netballers!! The history maker- 3rd in IVP. I thank God for the experience I shared with this group of team mates: I got to know some of them deeper and sure I am glad that I did. Btw I look ugly in this new hairstyle!
currently i am serving in the club as the captain, and the babe in black in the first row is my vice-captain. So far it has been great working with her, this gal is always so bubbly so off-track so time, but damn cute. Really got to thank God for her. I am quite a procreastinator but she is one who is very detailed, must make sure things are moving; she thinks big i am meticulate about action plans, feasibility etc; she is straight forward, i am reserved..we kinda complement each other. But we sure have lots to work on to serve the club.
SMU Pals
My walk with Him is bad. Thats because I have been disobedient. I feel far from Him because I don't konw how to face Him. I know He is still very close to me, close than no one can be and He still loves me dearly but I grieved Him again and AGAIN that the relationship is strained.
Low point.
I am overloaded with 5 courses this term and this is terrible! Only one term in 3 years had I done 5 courses, thus I am learning to cope with this crazy timetable this semester. It seriously doesnt help that I am serving in SMU Netball club now, and I am still continuing my coaching job, my church commitment... (Worse, my results have been consistently average or poor over the terms). Haiz.. I know that to many this is peanut, but I am not capable like them, I cannot excel in all. I do not know how I will get through this but I know I will somehow. My only hope is that He will be with me, He will carry me through. Haiz but I have been upsetted Him!!
Low point.
Just did a very poor presentation. I know I could have done better but I am not well-prepared. I better stop procrastinating and start to work one mode faster. Learn how to prioritize..
Low point.
Have you heard of this law called the law of undulation(I hope I got it right!) . C.S lewis wrote this written in Screwtape letters. It states that life is full of low points and high points, the low will lead to the high. okie this sounds obvious right, but I guess its reminder as such that I can look forward to without dwelling in this "pitifull" state of mine. AND one absolute brilliant point about this law is that it states that it is at the low that God draws us closer to Him and its there we learn more. I guess I can only fulfill this prohency if I am obedient.
Longing for Him in my low.
an angel dropped byy `]]
7:41 PM
Monday, September 04, 2006
My SMU Netballers!! The history maker- 3rd in IVP. I thank God for the experience I shared with this group of team mates: I got to know some of them deeper and sure I am glad that I did. Btw I look ugly in this new hairstyle!currently i am serving in the club as the captain, and the babe in black in the first row is my vice-captain. So far it has been great working with her, this gal is always so bubbly so off-track so time, but damn cute. Really got to thank God for her. I am quite a procreastinator but she is one who is very detailed, must make sure things are moving; she thinks big i am meticulate about action plans, feasibility etc; she is straight forward, i am reserved..we kinda complement each other. But we sure have lots to work on to serve the club.
an angel dropped byy `]]
8:55 AM
SMU Pals
an angel dropped byy `]]
8:40 AM
Saturday, August 19, 2006
En asked me to blog more often and here I am blogging. Obviously I have yet to cultivate the love or rather habit to communicate my inner life to many. (note that I mention inner life) I am an introvert, I think a lot, I draw my energy from making contact with the inner world of concepts and ideas. My inner life matters to me a lot, but seldom do I share my thoughts and feelings to people. Not that I do not like to share, but it is not the habit of many to ask questions that probe deep into my heart. Besides people come and go in your life, how deep can a conversation goes?
Perphaps that draws me close to some people.
I am writing with the understanding that people like en is interested in me.
I finally wrote her an email yesterday, updating her with my life, wanting to know how she is etc. more importantly is to let her know that I want her to be in my life. That is quite thick-skin of me. Unlike for jean and en, it took me quite a lot (mainly pride) to love her. For jean and en, I reason that though i am not that dear to them as they are to me, I can still love happily. For her, I want to protect myself from being hurt, from being to vulnerable to her. I have once blog about her, I thought I know how to appreciate and love this lady, but that is not the case. Some stuff has happened along the way, I was hurt and she may be hurt (this i dun really think so). She has seen the ugly side of me, she too has hurt me with a lack of understanding. I thought I should just not be too close to her, just stay as normal friend. Perhaps I was also selfish the way I derive this thuoght because she cares for everyone not just me, in other words, everyone is dear to her not just me. okie I know this childish and selfish of me. I logicalized. I said if everyone can still be so nice in her eyes because they are not revealing much to her, they are shy and less expressive why should i be so loving towards her, why should i reveal so much of my tender heart to her? she can do without me loving her as much as i want to. we can be normal fren. i can do without her. But you know what, thats not perfect love.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love derives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. - 1 John 4:18
I am just fearful of being hurt but i do treasure her a lot and I want to love her. unblushingly i wrote her an email and began sharing my very inner thuoghts.. without people even asking. Now i shuold teach myself not to care if i am dear to her or others are more so. i have been too pamper by jean and en. I have brought 2 sheeps for teacher's day. One I have given to jean. The other one i intended to give to her. But i thought she would be happier if I get the rest involve to write her a card and give the present together. As long as she is happy and appreciated. I have been too selfish.
If you have been reading my posts, you would realise that i write a lot about people. Sorry if you would want to know more about what i have been doing with my life because i am not mentioning much of those here. Thats just how cal works ya.
Super Interns! Look pretty and harmless dun they? Pretty yes. Harmless...mmmm..
So LF was involved too..hmm
Perphaps that draws me close to some people.
I am writing with the understanding that people like en is interested in me.
I finally wrote her an email yesterday, updating her with my life, wanting to know how she is etc. more importantly is to let her know that I want her to be in my life. That is quite thick-skin of me. Unlike for jean and en, it took me quite a lot (mainly pride) to love her. For jean and en, I reason that though i am not that dear to them as they are to me, I can still love happily. For her, I want to protect myself from being hurt, from being to vulnerable to her. I have once blog about her, I thought I know how to appreciate and love this lady, but that is not the case. Some stuff has happened along the way, I was hurt and she may be hurt (this i dun really think so). She has seen the ugly side of me, she too has hurt me with a lack of understanding. I thought I should just not be too close to her, just stay as normal friend. Perhaps I was also selfish the way I derive this thuoght because she cares for everyone not just me, in other words, everyone is dear to her not just me. okie I know this childish and selfish of me. I logicalized. I said if everyone can still be so nice in her eyes because they are not revealing much to her, they are shy and less expressive why should i be so loving towards her, why should i reveal so much of my tender heart to her? she can do without me loving her as much as i want to. we can be normal fren. i can do without her. But you know what, thats not perfect love.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love derives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. - 1 John 4:18
I am just fearful of being hurt but i do treasure her a lot and I want to love her. unblushingly i wrote her an email and began sharing my very inner thuoghts.. without people even asking. Now i shuold teach myself not to care if i am dear to her or others are more so. i have been too pamper by jean and en. I have brought 2 sheeps for teacher's day. One I have given to jean. The other one i intended to give to her. But i thought she would be happier if I get the rest involve to write her a card and give the present together. As long as she is happy and appreciated. I have been too selfish.
If you have been reading my posts, you would realise that i write a lot about people. Sorry if you would want to know more about what i have been doing with my life because i am not mentioning much of those here. Thats just how cal works ya.
an angel dropped byy `]]
9:24 PM
Saturday, August 12, 2006My craziest birthday ever...=)
Super Interns! Look pretty and harmless dun they? Pretty yes. Harmless...mmmm..
So LF was involved too..hmm 
an angel dropped byy `]]
9:05 AM
Friday, August 11, 2006
Handsome BD said this to me: Gal your heart is so easily captured by people! once they captured your heart, you will give your all to them. That is very silly and stupid.
You are so right dude, Cal is silly. Hopefully God will give Cal to someone who will treasure this silliness of mine.
You are so right dude, Cal is silly. Hopefully God will give Cal to someone who will treasure this silliness of mine.
an angel dropped byy `]]
11:15 AM
Back.
Back to school, back to coaching, back to training, back from CCG....
CCG, or rather East West Cultural Centre is where God led me to for the past few months. I thank Him for this opening. Throughout this period, I have forged deep friendships with my interns friends (the super interns), my capable supervisors and brilliant bosses. It has been of great joy working with this group of people, they are CRAZY, especially my boss! She esteems her most important task at work is to play pranks on people, and she sure does put her soul, mind and heart in this job. =) She got my director to throw a mixture of super sticky flour with water at my colleague on her birthday, thus a flour war sparked off in the sunte* office! The four of us, the interns scrumbled to the toilet to hid from this warfare, how ingenious to hid in the toilet out of all places! hahaha.. 4 of us in one cubicle, thats quite a hilarious scene. She got my colleagues to tied me to i-gallop and displayed me in the middle of the lobby surrounded my different companies during lunch time! She sure is a master for her self-proclaimed trade. Having said that of her, on a more serious note, she is seriously a very capable leader. She knows how to get people enjoy working for her while stretching their potential. I respect her. No one believes that a corporate community game can ever be done, she did it. Her last few words to be before I left- yi nian.. (determination)
The super interns taught me a lot too.. I enjoyed their accompany tremendously! All four of us are so different yet we can just clink. They are very caring people, very feeling people..hahaha.. staying late to help one another to finish work, sending encouraging message when we were down, standing for one another when bullied by boss..hahaha.. Indeed very feeling people, Lovable Lianne and Talented Ting even came to visit me on my last day to have a hour of lunch!Two of them really very jokers, always cheeful and very jiang yi qi! I miss those fun time we have... during events too. I can still vividly recall that afternoon Joyful JL and I had our chicken rice together at the corrider at SPE, sharing our thoughts and feelings for our last major event. I love talking to JL. I am so glad that God has sent such a beautiful and sweet sister-in-christ to journey with me during this 4 months. Her prayers and encouragements have warmth my heart deeply. It is amazing how a like we can be, she has taught me much about God.
During these four months I have also learnt much about my strenghts and weaknesses. Where will I work in the future, what will I do, I do not know, He will lead again, i will not pray for somewhere easy because I know it will not, all I ask is He will not forsake me, giving me the wisdom and strenght to do His will where ever He leads me. Because He is faithful, this four months have been wonderful.
Back to school, back to coaching, back to training, back from CCG....
CCG, or rather East West Cultural Centre is where God led me to for the past few months. I thank Him for this opening. Throughout this period, I have forged deep friendships with my interns friends (the super interns), my capable supervisors and brilliant bosses. It has been of great joy working with this group of people, they are CRAZY, especially my boss! She esteems her most important task at work is to play pranks on people, and she sure does put her soul, mind and heart in this job. =) She got my director to throw a mixture of super sticky flour with water at my colleague on her birthday, thus a flour war sparked off in the sunte* office! The four of us, the interns scrumbled to the toilet to hid from this warfare, how ingenious to hid in the toilet out of all places! hahaha.. 4 of us in one cubicle, thats quite a hilarious scene. She got my colleagues to tied me to i-gallop and displayed me in the middle of the lobby surrounded my different companies during lunch time! She sure is a master for her self-proclaimed trade. Having said that of her, on a more serious note, she is seriously a very capable leader. She knows how to get people enjoy working for her while stretching their potential. I respect her. No one believes that a corporate community game can ever be done, she did it. Her last few words to be before I left- yi nian.. (determination)
The super interns taught me a lot too.. I enjoyed their accompany tremendously! All four of us are so different yet we can just clink. They are very caring people, very feeling people..hahaha.. staying late to help one another to finish work, sending encouraging message when we were down, standing for one another when bullied by boss..hahaha.. Indeed very feeling people, Lovable Lianne and Talented Ting even came to visit me on my last day to have a hour of lunch!Two of them really very jokers, always cheeful and very jiang yi qi! I miss those fun time we have... during events too. I can still vividly recall that afternoon Joyful JL and I had our chicken rice together at the corrider at SPE, sharing our thoughts and feelings for our last major event. I love talking to JL. I am so glad that God has sent such a beautiful and sweet sister-in-christ to journey with me during this 4 months. Her prayers and encouragements have warmth my heart deeply. It is amazing how a like we can be, she has taught me much about God.
During these four months I have also learnt much about my strenghts and weaknesses. Where will I work in the future, what will I do, I do not know, He will lead again, i will not pray for somewhere easy because I know it will not, all I ask is He will not forsake me, giving me the wisdom and strenght to do His will where ever He leads me. Because He is faithful, this four months have been wonderful.
an angel dropped byy `]]
10:24 AM
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Tired. How I dislike using this word! it practically means that i have no zest/energy for people and tasks that I am assigned. Ironically, it is this distaste for TIRED that makes me even more tired!
Cal is so tired that i have to complain about it here in my blog because i cant let people know that i am tired, definitely not my colleagues or my team mates because that do not better anythign. Yet I really wish that they know that i am tired, or rather burnt out, confusing isn't it. When he was with me for the past 3 years, i will always complain to him and only to him about my stress and tiredness, but not anymore now. now i seem to have to bear it all, SEEM hahaha.. cos DEARest is the one i will complain to now and best of all, He bears my burdens. (DEAREST is JESUS!)
I am most vulnerable when I am burnt out, phsyically and emotionally, thus i can do stupid things stupidly. Therefore I have to be remember to draw strenght from Jesus and not from pleasures of the world that are temporal. He has been faithful. He will carry me through when I run to him. I am starting to love running to Him, crying and complaing, sharing my joy..everything=)
Maybe i should reconsider deeply what my boss wrote to me as a birthday wish: LET LOOSE.
O talking about my birthday! i have the most memorable birthday this year! I had a super fun day.. will blog about it the next entry with pics!!
Cal is so tired that i have to complain about it here in my blog because i cant let people know that i am tired, definitely not my colleagues or my team mates because that do not better anythign. Yet I really wish that they know that i am tired, or rather burnt out, confusing isn't it. When he was with me for the past 3 years, i will always complain to him and only to him about my stress and tiredness, but not anymore now. now i seem to have to bear it all, SEEM hahaha.. cos DEARest is the one i will complain to now and best of all, He bears my burdens. (DEAREST is JESUS!)
I am most vulnerable when I am burnt out, phsyically and emotionally, thus i can do stupid things stupidly. Therefore I have to be remember to draw strenght from Jesus and not from pleasures of the world that are temporal. He has been faithful. He will carry me through when I run to him. I am starting to love running to Him, crying and complaing, sharing my joy..everything=)
Maybe i should reconsider deeply what my boss wrote to me as a birthday wish: LET LOOSE.
O talking about my birthday! i have the most memorable birthday this year! I had a super fun day.. will blog about it the next entry with pics!!
an angel dropped byy `]]
7:03 AM